So, you're a seasoned pro and know what you can and can't ask in an interview. Good for you - you're a legal eagle.
Ever drift into a conversation about spouses with a candidate? Happens all the time, especially with
candidiates you've developed a good conversation flow with who are...well...married.
Let's hope you didn't hear the following:
"Yeah, life with Sheryl has been great, except for":
1. "She's got a life threatening disease that may cause me to miss a year in the near future. So obviously I like the quality of your medical plan."
2. "That episode where her expense reports were misinterpreted by the authorities. We had to move to get a fresh start."
3. "The booze. And at times, the pills. It tends to make our family a bit of a roller coaster."
To be fair to HR pros who recruit and hiring managers everywhere, I've heard versions of all of these from candidates during my time as a HR player. To be fair to me (like you), I didn't ask - I guess I made the candidate comfortable enough where they just told me all this stuff.
What's a HR pro to do? Be thankful for most of your positions, vetting the stability and skills of the spouse isn't a requirement, because the higher you go in corporate America, the more it matters.
More on vetting the spouse from the New York Times:
"IMAGINE the plight of the modern corporate director: you want to find the perfect chief executive to lead your organization, someone with top credentials and impeccable character. You know there is a heavy social component to the job — dinners, fund-raisers, travel — and so there is just one last thing you want to know.
What is the candidate’s spouse like? It is an all-too-common situation that pits Miss Manners against decades of labor and anti-discrimination law. No, in states like New York, a board of directors cannot even legally ask job candidates if they are married.
But yes, this sort of vetting goes on regularly.
The spouse has always been a silent part of the executive package, with committed partners doing everything from packing overnight bags to throwing client-entertaining dinner parties. Sitcom spouses of the 1950s and 1960s were assumed to be job appendages for their husbands: Lucy cooked and ran the home when she was not trying to horn in on important business meetings, while Samantha on “Bewitched” tried not to cast too many spells on Darrin’s advertising clients.
Today, it is still widely understood that a charming and organized spouse can be a boon to an executive who must rub elbows and raise money. The demands may differ from field to field — in academia, for instance, the spouse may play a different role than in politics, corporate America or the nonprofit world — but in each case it is a big help if the spouse fits in."
Can you imagine having to go to dinner with the spouse of every candidate you hired? WOW, or as they say in the Hindenburg business, "oh the humanity".
It's hard enough to get sign-off on one person as the primary recruiter, so I'm glad the spouse doesn't have to be approved in most circumstances. Still, if you're a player and bound for that Fortune 500 EVP of HR role, brace yourself - there will be some candidate with spouse dinners in your future.
Let's just hope he or she doesn't have 3 Kojaks down before you're halfway done with your tea.
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